map of where I've been...
Topic: web stuff

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Molly
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: Day to Day

 

-molly is sick in the EAR for the 4th night in a row, might not make it to next week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

has it really been that long?
I am sorry dear readers, but I've been very bad at keeping up with this site. The reason is?

I am working insano hours and remodeling the house, and am getting married in now... 28 days. Therefore, all my excess energy (what energy?) is being used elsewhere.

But, please I do recommend highly, http://www.bensaunders.com, Ben Saunders is currently completing a great training expedition on an iceberg in Greenland. Quite entertaining/educational/inspirational, and much more regular and interesting then this pathetic blog over here.

laters!

I got to Tri harder
Topic: On the way to Triathlon
Not true to form of this "no fear here" blog, I am indeed afraid. A friend wants me to sign up for the international distance triathlon. I am having some trouble doing it. I am afraid.

I don't do the whole open water swim very well. I have endurance. I just mentally lose it when it comes to the open water. Apparently I do have a fear, and it's completely irrational. When I am in the pool, I know in my head that I can not drown, so long as I'm conscious. I can always just lay there and not move. I have a lot of fun in the water. I learned the "dolphin" over the fall months, and really enjoy swimming. I've got the endurance to roll out of bed and jump into the water and swim 3 miles or maybe more... I just can't do the open water deal. And in the races, people climb over you, splash you when you are taking a breath, and bump you accidentally, and may injure you. What then? Some races, not this one in particular, have few lifeguards, so there is a reasonable lack of full safety. But not in this race. There are a ton of people to help me out. Why is it that just typing about it makes my stomach turn? Why is it that I can't handle just doing it? I'll probably do it, but I make myself sick just thinking about it. I guess a lot of open water swims all summer might help cure some of it. I also guess that I am mostly afraid of losing my access to surface and air, and they allow... A snorkel. Come on, how can I be afraid of that? I am also embarrassed to try and swim with a snorkel, no one does that. It's allowed, but no one does it, no one seems to need it. Except for me. I am also afraid because I can't see without my contacts. When I'm swimming, if I lose my mask and my contacts come off, then I'm screwed. that's one thing that drives me nuts. If my mask comes off in the pool, I practically half drown myself every time! I need to overcome this fear. Fast.

The good news is that though my knee still hurts and is still swollen, a month later, I am back to running, and boy did I lose my endurance in that in 3 months. But not to worry, I know what to do and how to catch up.

just my luck

guess where I had to go right when this whole thing just got started? Right next door!!!! Me and my luck.

Confessions of the Obsessive Compulsive Anal Retentive...
Topic: on the way to... marriage
Now I know that being obsessive compulsive is a condition that has specific characteristics, and I do not have those. But if there was a contest to see how close anyone could come to being obsessive compulsive without having the actual disorder... I think I might win. This is further underlined by what I am about to share, which I am disturbingly proud of, enough to put it out there. This is what having 101 degree fever for 8 days in a row does to a person who is normally out and about doing something all the time.

A certain someone has been using our laundry room for a giant toolbox. I brought order to the disorder, and now, for lack of other achievements outside of my job, I will be sharing them for your viewing pleasure.

Yup (the missing label was replaced after the picture was taken).

MJD's dad

Just got an email from MD... He just let me know his father passed away 6 weeks ago. What the heck? When it rains, it pours. MD only has like 2 friends cuz he's kind of a jerk on the surface and hard to get to know, so I think he told me because he considers me a close friend. He also just found out that I'm getting married, and congratulated me too. He really wrote to congratulate, but the father thing was a btw. Funny how people work. :(

:(
Jean's mom's funeral is this weekend.

In the mean time, we are going to an art show sponsored by Ben's mom in honor of her grandmother's life work.

AD is not doing well, and neither is his father.

The best adjusted person is really Joe. He is able to talk about losing his mother now, but yet he's never visited her grave, so that's debatable too, I guess.

And of course, this follows B's loss of her father this summer....

1st day of training...
Topic: On the way to Triathlon
I said to myself - okay, March 1st, time to start training officially.

I didn't get very far. Will find out in 2 days if it's broken.

Then on Friday I had a biopsy and just got the results. I'm all clear :). There was more pain and discomfort from the knee then the biopsy, which is good.

But enough about me. I'm more concerned about my friends.

A family member is about to go into a dangerous back surgery.

Another, who might as well be a family member is going through a lot of pain because a loved one has passed away. This led to some revelations and a painfull decision. I'd trade my second knee in if I could, for making a friend who is in a lot of pain right now start feeling better, which only time can do :(. I feel that I should be there to comfort the person, in person, but that is not going to help the person right now. Sure, it would make me feel better, but it wouldn't make the person feel better, and that's all that's important right now. Of course, that's getting more complicated by the minute.

Well, it's a new month, so hopefully it's just off to a late start, and going forward, all will be okay.

The year of the dragon has been dark so far, hopefully there will be some sunshine in there somewhere soon.

Reborn
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Day to Day
Today I woke up feeling reborn.

5 weeks ago, I found a lump in my breast. I had my annual exam just 3 months before, and this was not there.

I had to wait 14 days to see a doctor, to make sure it is not cyclical.

I went to the radiologist first, who did an ultrasound, and told me something I couldn't repeat out loud for a minute. I have a tumor. I have 20% chance of having cancer.

I then went to the best Breast Surgeon in town. She told me, it's probably not 20%, it's a fiberadenoma (what??? I've never heard that before) and that it's pretty common in women, in fact in Europe this just gets left alone, but here they poke it 4 times and make sure it's okay, with biopsies over 2 years, every 6 months. But since I have only one, she advised me to just get it over with and pull it out.

The week after this, I had my wisdom teeth pulled out.

The week after this, I was out of town for work. When I was in the shower, I noticed another lump, on the other side. It was even scarrier to find it then the first. Everyone I know thought I was a hypochondriac. We had to wait a few days before another ultrasound could take place. I had surgery scheduled for today, and the second ultrasound took place yesterday.

The radiologist confirmed that I have a second lump, in the other breast. I begged him to check for more, as the first radiologist would't check overall. He found 3 more. I have 5 total. While he was finding more and more, and I was lying there on the examination table, I thought that for sure the first lump must have been cancerous, and must have metathesized and gotten everywhere. I was doomed. But this was not so. After he finished his work, the radiologist said - why are you upset - and who told you that it's 20% chance of being cancerous? You have nothing to worry about, and I don't think you need this surgery tomorrow.

What???

Turns out if you have them on both breasts and if you have more then 2, it means they are all okay. Some women just get them. I didn't know any of this, have never heard of this before. I hope that if women get one fiberadenoma that they find, they come to this page and learn that they should check for others. If you have a lot, then you just leave them alone. Some women just get them. I am one. I am ... one in 3, because technically this counts. I am one in 3 women you'll know in your life time that have a tumor, and it ain't that bad. Now I'm still a little nervous about the biopsies, but I am told they are only precautionary. I'll do one, don't know if I['ll do all 4. We'll see. Better safe then sorry.

The moral of the story is that radiologists won't look outside the lump the order is written for. If you have one lump, ask your doctor to write the order to check for more. It doesn't cost you any extra if you have good insurance (and you can check on yours). But it's worthwhile - peace of mind! If the first guy would have just checked all of it, I wouldn't have almost gone under the knife!!!

The other moral of the story is that a top breast surgeon who examined me one week, coudln't find a lump that I found myself the following week. Shows how important self-exams are. Make sure you, your friends, and family know how to do it.

But the good news here is that this morning, right now, I would have been going into surgery... And I'm not. I feel reborn, with a new chance, a bigger chance then ever.

I don't know why it takes events like a friend dying or this to realize how precious life is, but I guess this all had a purpose, to remind us.

Triathlon season - you are officially in full swing for me. Though I missed some early indoor events, I'm not planning to miss any more. I'm back to a regular do or die schedule, as of right this moment.

Nothing makes me feel more alive then that right now.